just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
