This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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