i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
