Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
