is your mom at the bar?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wear drunk well.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
