This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
