That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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