"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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