dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
