How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
