The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
