Your face is a jimmy john
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
