Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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