Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
