Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
