I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
