I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
