I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
