Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
