I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
