Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
