Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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