My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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