I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
