It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
