Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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