I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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