This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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