she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
