I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
