I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
