I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
