One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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