so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
