I forgot how hot balto sounded
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
