Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
