is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
