dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Who died my cat blue again?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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