I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
