Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
