There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
