It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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