Too much gin, very little bucket
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
