I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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