Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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