I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
