he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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