New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
