I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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