girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
