Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just had sex on a roof
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
