Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
